Sex, Sexuality and Ted Haggard

“I’m a heterosexual with issues,” he says on Oprah.  Ted Haggard speaks rather candidly about his sexuality and does make some good sense about the US’ (and other places too) dichotomous thinking about sexuality.  My question is what the hell does “with issues” mean?  Ted, are you saying that your affinities for same sex relationships are “issues” to be dealt with?  Another major criticism I have of him is that he is continually saying that he is and was satisfied with his relationship with his wife and THIS is where he has hit the proverbial wall.  Let me ask you this, if you’re happy and satisfied with your relationship, do you seek out to have an affair or affairs?  Not a chance! 

Also, Haggard and his wife seem to cite the fact that the continually had sex as a reason why he isn’t gay (they’re not even waving the flag of bisexuality either!)  which further proves the point that who you have sex with can’t be the only factor in determining ones sexual identity.  With “our” current conceptualization of sexuality, Ted would be bisexual simply because he has sex with men and women but then I ask you is Angelina Jolie any less ”bisexual” because she only has sex with Brad Pitt now?  N-O-P-E.  We sometimes forget that Jolie has also given up sex with other men simply constituting a monogamous relationship.  Let me ALSO note that I have never seen a quote of Jolie referring to herself as bisexual.  Rather, all I’ve read are statements by her that she also adores and loves being in relationships with women. 

Me, oh my, the reason why we are still having this discussion on sexuality is because we want to hold on to those labels so strongly.  Why?  Because if I know who or what you are, then I can be safe in distinguishing myself as different from you.  It truly is sad, that in the development of our lives our identies are commonly developed and defined in opposition to those around us.  Even Haggard’s current identity of “heterosexual  wit issues” is defined by his therapist (I personally think he needs a new one).  Also, does anyone else find it bothersome that the church is now coming in defense of Haggard since he’s gone on to deal with his “compulsions.” In Haggard’s case, let’s just call it for what it is…he has disgraced his church, his religion, his family and himself because he lives in a world which he feels doesn’t accept him.  We are all part of that world. 

Meanwhile, there are some very provocative comments on Anderson Cooper’s blog here.