Masculinity as the abscence of Femininity

To often I end up asking myself what is masculinity? What does it mean to be a man? Most of the times when I am forced to ask myself these questions it is because of the multitude of images that flood us me as a consumer of television and media.

Earlier yesterday I was watching television when a commercial for a body mist product came on and I stopped to think about the actual physical process of putting on the body mist, and I thought it’s just that, it’s an addition. For a woman to smell “womanly” or “feminine,” she must add to herself. Does this notion not imply that without this intervention from commercial America that their consumers would simply be inadequately prepared to smell and act feminine? Not only does this idea apply to this notion of body mist, but the effects are felt throughout most, if not all, products determined to change and alter our perception of what is appropriately feminine. In order to be considered womanly, one must add slightly seductive scents, buy clothing that mostly enhances curves, that are either God-given or acquired, or even add extensions to enhance the fullness and lusciousness of one’s hair.

It does seem pretty radical that these very vast, philosophical questions can be derived from a simple television ad and I’m certain that this type of analysis is not what the executives of this company had intended, however we can be certain to note how the images in the media reflect those deep held beliefs about ourselves and what we see as appropriate.

Once I allowed myself to delve into the implications for the feminine ideal, I began to think about its impact on men, and realized it reflects that interconnectedness that is inherent in all people with various expressions of gender.  The issue of femininity affects us all.

What effect may this have on men and their own gender expression? If, according to the rationale listed here, we are to believe that the gender expression of the feminine identity is best expressed through the addition of certain items and men should not aim to be seen as stereotypically feminine, then is it safe to say that the ideas of masculinity are built upon the framework of absence of what is feminine instead of an addition, or an inclusion of positive and responsible characteristics?

Society tells men they are to be strong, decisive providers, all of which are counter to the traditionally feminine traits, thus isn’t being masculine the absence of what is considered feminine? This notion would lead us believe that men are themselves the keepers of what is acceptable and what is not. To be a man, to fit into the stereotypical box, one must not possess those characteristics that are deemed feminine. Does this idea set us up to believe that to be masculine, that some sort of void must exist? There must be that absence of what is feminine for men to be considered masculine.

This is a very painful and distorted way of thinking which we desperately need to change. We are doing none of ourselves service here; not only are we deprecating on what it means to be a woman, but we are also looking at our ideal man as someone who is devoid of things considered rational and emotional. We all deserve better; we all deserve the chance and the right to express ourselves and our gender as we see fit and if we begin to challenge these ideas then maybe we can commence to see our men as healthy, holistic beings and begin to eradicate and repair the damage that has been done to the gender expression of women.

 

 

 

“God Made You Special”: Transgendered Youth

Last night I stumbled upon a very provocative episode of 20/20, a special about transgendered youth.  Led by Barbara Walters this report examined the lives of a transgendered youth, their parents and communities.  This was a in-depth and revealing look at one of society’s minorities, people who believe they were born into the wrong body.  Of course this is an oversimplification of the matter, but I must admit, even as someone who knows a little bit about gender issues, I was amazed at the level that these young people were to express themselves.  It is amazing what kids are able to say, if we just choose to listen to them.

Living in a society where gender and sexual identity are so contentious, I was completely floored by the warmth and care that the parents of these children had.  As a whole, we are still trying to come to terms with the “coming out” of what we call sexual minorities and now we have the opportunity to witness the “coming out” of another section of the population, those with gender identity disorder.

From what I recall, most of these children had been under the care of a mental health professional and had been diagnosed with gender identity disorder, which is both a blessing and a curse.  This diagnosis no doubt gives us (society and mental health practitioners) the ability to categorize thoughts and behavior which can help us better understand what these children are experiencing, but as any intelligent scholar of psychology will tell you, our diagnoses in the DSM are reflective of our culture.  It wasn’t long ago when homosexuality was removed as a diagnosable psychiatric condition.

I don’t believe I have ever witnessed such and amazing display of unconditional love in our mainstream media.  I remember one set of parents who specifically allowed their young male child to dress and act as feminine gender specific.  They accepted her for who she was and then helped introduce her real self to the public.  It was a process no doubt, but this couple gave what most of us fail at giving others, unconditional love.  One one hand these parents were mourning the loss of their little boy and also accepting the beautiful young girl who had been a part of their family all along. 

We all know that every child gets teased and we know how hard it us to come up through the ranks of junior high and high school, yet these families are brave and courageous enough to allow their children to be who they truly are.  And, you could certainly say, “well she was born a male, isn’t that who she is?”  To which I would respond, are all our behaviors and attitudes solely determined by our genitalia?  Have you ever felt what it is like to have someone else dictate who you are?  Have you felt that loss of power?  That loss of control?  Taking these things into consideration, I think we can then begin to realize how important self-identity really is.