To wash or not to wash?

 

 

It is a debate that I’ve had with many friends over the years and I’ve recently stumbled upon an article that outlines what I’ve pretty much known all my life:  only 66% of men wash their hands after using the restroom.

Interestingly enough the article seems to have the underlying message that the penis is an inherently dirty organ, but without reading the actual study involved, they could also be talking about going number 2, which I hope everyone would agree is whole different issue!

The point is, I have witnessed many male friends and strangers not wash their hands after using the restroom.  Is this common for women as well?  The article says no and I attribute this to the general rule that it is more socially acceptable for a male to be dirtier than a female.  I consider myself a decently clean person and I do wash my hands after using the restroom pretty thoroughly and last year while I was visiting a college there was a pair of nurses operating some sort of mechanism under which you would view how much dirt was left on your hands after washing.  They said I did pretty well, but that was following what i would probably call the most thorough hand-washing I’ve ever done in my life. 

Is it completely unacceptable to not wash your hands following a visit to the restroom?  After all, the toilet handle and door knob are probably dirtier…

Tyra’s Black Women’s Summit

 

Emmy winning, Tyra Banks from The Tyra Banks Show.

This afternoon the Tyra Banks show re-aired an episode of her first annual summit for Black women.  One of the most controversial topics being relationships.  This episode featured a panel of contributors consisting of black gay males, heterosexual interracial couples and single black men.  One of the most striking things said on the show was that one woman stated that she was having trouble meeting black men because of a few simple facts:  that black men are either insecure about being with a strong black woman, gay, married or already has children.  To me, these sound like reasons any person might be having difficulty looking for a partner.  One woman, an editor for Essence magazine (Angela Burt-Murray) even had the audacity to say that women of other races are taking “our men.”  That is another post in itself.

Now, I’ll address what some of these women were saying about their dating lives:

1.  Black men are scared of a strong black woman.

The truth is Black men are scared of scary women!  There is a lot to examine, and I think that one of the things we need to consider here is the idea of strength in black consciousness.  Because of the harsh oppression that African Americans have faced there is an inherent need to overcome, unite and be very strong.  While I can certainly recognize the significance of this need, I also believe there is a trend in the Black community to overcompensate for the painful past.  This manifests itself in one very prominent archetype, the independent Black woman who doesn’t ”need a man,” and I think what we see here is, in an effort to be strong, we see Black women act impulsively in disagreements and speak of their independence day in and day out.  I can certainly recognize the benefit here, but one of the byproducts of this epidemic is for Black women to continue to be seen as negative and with a lot of attitude.  Black women don’t need to overcompensate here.  Be yourself, allow yourself to be vulnerable and emotional and then you can really allow another person to fall for you.  Stereotypes are meant to be broken.

2.  Black men are gay.

This idea stems from, what I believe, is a ethnic community’s rich history in Christianity and traditional religion.  The truth is that there are Black men who are gay, straight, bi and everywhere in between.  I think if the Black community really wants to practice a strong sense of unity, then there is a need to stop viewing any Black male who doesn’t fit the stereotypical Black male box as gay (and to stop seeing “gay” as wrong, in general).  I think is the most prominent reason why there are Black men on the “down low,” as they call it.  My advice:  restructure what masculinity means in the Black community to reflect honesty, truth and responsibility instead of the traditional gender role that currently prevails that only serves to limit us all.

3.  Most Black men are married.

This affects anyone who seeks to date a Black man, not just Black women.

4.  He already has kids.

I think this is also indicative of holding onto those rigid stereotypes of what it means to be a Black man or Black woman.  The media and personal experience have told us all over and over again that Black males are deadbeat dads, and that if a Black male is a father then there must be “baby’s mama” drama.  First, we need to let go of the term “baby’s mama,”  it is incredibly degrading to any woman who has a child with a father she is no longer with, how about…she’s the MOTHER of his child.  Second, there are tons of conflicts and arguments and discussions to be had when children are part of the picture whether the parents are together or not.  If you don’t want drama with the parent of your child, be a little more careful about who you choose to have sex with and have a baby with and don’t allow yourself to be susceptible to it.  Responsible fatherhood should be revered in any community, whether that man is with the mother of his child(ren) or not.  Black women, allow yourselves to begin to look at “non-traditional” and “single-parent” families as options too, there is nothing with them.