Sex, Sexuality and Ted Haggard

“I’m a heterosexual with issues,” he says on Oprah.  Ted Haggard speaks rather candidly about his sexuality and does make some good sense about the US’ (and other places too) dichotomous thinking about sexuality.  My question is what the hell does “with issues” mean?  Ted, are you saying that your affinities for same sex relationships are “issues” to be dealt with?  Another major criticism I have of him is that he is continually saying that he is and was satisfied with his relationship with his wife and THIS is where he has hit the proverbial wall.  Let me ask you this, if you’re happy and satisfied with your relationship, do you seek out to have an affair or affairs?  Not a chance! 

Also, Haggard and his wife seem to cite the fact that the continually had sex as a reason why he isn’t gay (they’re not even waving the flag of bisexuality either!)  which further proves the point that who you have sex with can’t be the only factor in determining ones sexual identity.  With “our” current conceptualization of sexuality, Ted would be bisexual simply because he has sex with men and women but then I ask you is Angelina Jolie any less ”bisexual” because she only has sex with Brad Pitt now?  N-O-P-E.  We sometimes forget that Jolie has also given up sex with other men simply constituting a monogamous relationship.  Let me ALSO note that I have never seen a quote of Jolie referring to herself as bisexual.  Rather, all I’ve read are statements by her that she also adores and loves being in relationships with women. 

Me, oh my, the reason why we are still having this discussion on sexuality is because we want to hold on to those labels so strongly.  Why?  Because if I know who or what you are, then I can be safe in distinguishing myself as different from you.  It truly is sad, that in the development of our lives our identies are commonly developed and defined in opposition to those around us.  Even Haggard’s current identity of “heterosexual  wit issues” is defined by his therapist (I personally think he needs a new one).  Also, does anyone else find it bothersome that the church is now coming in defense of Haggard since he’s gone on to deal with his “compulsions.” In Haggard’s case, let’s just call it for what it is…he has disgraced his church, his religion, his family and himself because he lives in a world which he feels doesn’t accept him.  We are all part of that world. 

Meanwhile, there are some very provocative comments on Anderson Cooper’s blog here.

“how many positions are there?”

Paul Cézanne’s “Orgy," 1880.

 

Bristol Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears…as of recent times I have heard that teenage pregnancy seems to be on the rise again.  Due to pure laziness, I have not checked out the actual statistics for myself, however I can certainly say that judging from the US pop culture phenom, Hollywood has turned into a regular Babies ‘R Us. 

I don’t believe that any people in developed nations really like the idea of teenage pregnancy too much and this surge in babies having babieshas made pregnancy a political issue once again (not like it ever really went away).  This always takes me back to my sex ed class and how limited it really was.  Yes, we learned what penises and vaginas were but the tension in the room was SERIOUS and I think that is often the case when you teach abstinence only sex ed when a sizable percentage of your population has already engaged in some form of sex.  I have always been a big advocate for comprehensive sex ed program in our school systems, but even more importantly in our social and political scenes.  Sex is dark and nasty to us, and you are too if you desire to have it it and if you’re even thinking about “playing for the other team” you better watch it.  NOT COOL. 

Indulge me and read this article from Times Online about the Dutch sex ed program.  It covers everything from porn, the emotional aspect of sex and homosexuality and many of the quotes come directly from the mouths of children.  Granted, I was quite shocked at some of the specific examples, however this really could be attributed to my conditioning as a member of US culture EVEN though I disagree with our current system.  Will it ever change?  Here’s that link (and notice that it’s included on the women’s section of the site as if to imply that men don’t care about the topic…curious). 

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article5208865.ece

Women Who Love Porn

 

Recently I came across another fascinating read from the people at Asylum.  The title:  Women Who Love Porn.  Some participants say they began enjoying porn long ago while others admit their current partners really enjoy their porn viewing sessions.  No doubt an interesting read. 

From most of my personal experience I’ve found most women do not enjoy porn, and certainly not on a regular basis, whereas many more men admit to consuming and there is no doubt that the porn industry is predominantly driven by the consumption from men.  I’m suspicious that most women who consume porn are more likely to ”enjoy” it because their partners do and not necessarily because its something they really enjoy.  More probable than not?  I don’t know.  Anyways, check it out here…BTW, let’s keep in mind that this is at a porn convention, ladies and gents.

And PLEASE don’t forget to read the comments section.  It is brilliant.

Girl groups…pro or anti feminist?

 

The Pussycat Dolls at this year's MTV movie awards.

Webster’s dictionary defines feminism as the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes AND/OR the organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests. Over the years there has been a great amount of controversy on whether or not the images in our media are really better or worse for us as a community, and for many of us who find gender issues very important, the “overt sexuality” that is part of our existence is increasingly worry-some.  In the late 90s and early 2000s, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera served as major scapegoats for our over-sexed pop scene, while I think I have heard them both say they felt very empowered by using their bodies and voices as they see fit.  Of course there has been the argument that their respective labels pushed this sexiness upon them, but if you can remember many of their most “scandalous moments” occurred after they sought more creative control (i.e. Christina’s album Stripped).  Now with a resurgence in female pop acts (Girlicious, Pussycat Dolls, Danity Kane) there is more concern as ever regarding what images infiltrate our consciousness.

Robin Antin (far right) with music producer Ron Fair and new girl group Girlicious.

One of the driving forces behind this movement is Robin Antin, a dancer and choreographer who is the creative force behind the Pussycat Dolls and new girl group Girlicious.  She is very much used to the controversy considering the choices of her groups and when asked about the style of new group Girlicious in a BuddyTV interview Antin claims, “I’m really into staying ahead of the curve and making it something that’s fresh that young girls are gonna love, but the women are gonna love, because it’s always about female empowerment for me.”  B.S. or not?  I’m not so sure.  A lot can be said about all the girl groups out there today, sexy imaging and suggestive lyrical content, however these really aren’t new trends in the pop music scene. 

Are female pop acts promoting equality among the sexes or are they doing us more harm than good?  You tell me.

“God Made You Special”: Transgendered Youth

Last night I stumbled upon a very provocative episode of 20/20, a special about transgendered youth.  Led by Barbara Walters this report examined the lives of a transgendered youth, their parents and communities.  This was a in-depth and revealing look at one of society’s minorities, people who believe they were born into the wrong body.  Of course this is an oversimplification of the matter, but I must admit, even as someone who knows a little bit about gender issues, I was amazed at the level that these young people were to express themselves.  It is amazing what kids are able to say, if we just choose to listen to them.

Living in a society where gender and sexual identity are so contentious, I was completely floored by the warmth and care that the parents of these children had.  As a whole, we are still trying to come to terms with the “coming out” of what we call sexual minorities and now we have the opportunity to witness the “coming out” of another section of the population, those with gender identity disorder.

From what I recall, most of these children had been under the care of a mental health professional and had been diagnosed with gender identity disorder, which is both a blessing and a curse.  This diagnosis no doubt gives us (society and mental health practitioners) the ability to categorize thoughts and behavior which can help us better understand what these children are experiencing, but as any intelligent scholar of psychology will tell you, our diagnoses in the DSM are reflective of our culture.  It wasn’t long ago when homosexuality was removed as a diagnosable psychiatric condition.

I don’t believe I have ever witnessed such and amazing display of unconditional love in our mainstream media.  I remember one set of parents who specifically allowed their young male child to dress and act as feminine gender specific.  They accepted her for who she was and then helped introduce her real self to the public.  It was a process no doubt, but this couple gave what most of us fail at giving others, unconditional love.  One one hand these parents were mourning the loss of their little boy and also accepting the beautiful young girl who had been a part of their family all along. 

We all know that every child gets teased and we know how hard it us to come up through the ranks of junior high and high school, yet these families are brave and courageous enough to allow their children to be who they truly are.  And, you could certainly say, “well she was born a male, isn’t that who she is?”  To which I would respond, are all our behaviors and attitudes solely determined by our genitalia?  Have you ever felt what it is like to have someone else dictate who you are?  Have you felt that loss of power?  That loss of control?  Taking these things into consideration, I think we can then begin to realize how important self-identity really is.