Real Love or Real Fake?

REALITY TELEVISON.  Mark Burnett (TV Producer) would like to say that he started it with Survivor, but for us fortunate enough to remember the first season of the Real World, we understand how well crafted and unoriginal a lot of ‘reality’ tv is today.  But one trend that has absolutely exploded in recent times has been the dating reality show.  Of course one of the most notable in this category was Flavor of Love with Flava Flav.  Fortunately, that show has finally ended.  Unfortunately, whether these people were being themselves or not, a byproduct of this show was that it showed America some really ignorant behavior from mostly people of color and I think it safe to say that was a disservice to us all.  I say all this knowing it was a guilty pleasure of mine.

                                  

This whole trend has also been marked by self-identified bisexual Tila Tequila.  My initial thoughts about this show were that it had a great gimmick and marketability, both MEN and WOMEN competing for the “love” of a woman.  GREAT, now we are seeing a fuller representation of sexuality in America.  But, now with A Shot at Love and Flavor of Love and their sequels, it all seems counter-intuitive to the idea of finding real love on a reality show and makes me question the real sincerity involved.  This brings me to, I Love New York and The Bachelorette.  With the exception of Tila’s show, it seems that all the women who have had these reality shows seem to develop serious relationships with their partners from the show.  Remember, Trista, the first bachelorette?  She’s married to the man she met on that show still and they have child together, with no apparents signs of a split.  Also, consider Tiffany from I Love New York, her show was mostly absolute hilarity and foolishness, but last I heard she’s engaged to man she met on that show.

 

Now, with the new Bachelorette finale looming in the coming week, will DeAnna follow this trend of the women on reality dating shows maintaining a serious relationship?  But, what seems to be the greater issue is, what does this say about the representation of our men on those shows?  It seems sad to me, that there seems to be no record of a “bachelor” on one of these shows maintaining a serious relationship.  Is it possible that this specific sampling of men simply do not really seek the “love” they claim?  AND, are men being misrepresented here, all the while continually playing into our macho stereotypes?

“God Made You Special”: Transgendered Youth

Last night I stumbled upon a very provocative episode of 20/20, a special about transgendered youth.  Led by Barbara Walters this report examined the lives of a transgendered youth, their parents and communities.  This was a in-depth and revealing look at one of society’s minorities, people who believe they were born into the wrong body.  Of course this is an oversimplification of the matter, but I must admit, even as someone who knows a little bit about gender issues, I was amazed at the level that these young people were to express themselves.  It is amazing what kids are able to say, if we just choose to listen to them.

Living in a society where gender and sexual identity are so contentious, I was completely floored by the warmth and care that the parents of these children had.  As a whole, we are still trying to come to terms with the “coming out” of what we call sexual minorities and now we have the opportunity to witness the “coming out” of another section of the population, those with gender identity disorder.

From what I recall, most of these children had been under the care of a mental health professional and had been diagnosed with gender identity disorder, which is both a blessing and a curse.  This diagnosis no doubt gives us (society and mental health practitioners) the ability to categorize thoughts and behavior which can help us better understand what these children are experiencing, but as any intelligent scholar of psychology will tell you, our diagnoses in the DSM are reflective of our culture.  It wasn’t long ago when homosexuality was removed as a diagnosable psychiatric condition.

I don’t believe I have ever witnessed such and amazing display of unconditional love in our mainstream media.  I remember one set of parents who specifically allowed their young male child to dress and act as feminine gender specific.  They accepted her for who she was and then helped introduce her real self to the public.  It was a process no doubt, but this couple gave what most of us fail at giving others, unconditional love.  One one hand these parents were mourning the loss of their little boy and also accepting the beautiful young girl who had been a part of their family all along. 

We all know that every child gets teased and we know how hard it us to come up through the ranks of junior high and high school, yet these families are brave and courageous enough to allow their children to be who they truly are.  And, you could certainly say, “well she was born a male, isn’t that who she is?”  To which I would respond, are all our behaviors and attitudes solely determined by our genitalia?  Have you ever felt what it is like to have someone else dictate who you are?  Have you felt that loss of power?  That loss of control?  Taking these things into consideration, I think we can then begin to realize how important self-identity really is.